Friday, April 30, 2010

Awesome Running Program

Check out this website! You can zoom to where you run and map your run to see how long the distance was. I did it today and found out that I actually had a longer run/walk than I usually do. It was about 2.28 miles. I have been running about 2.06 miles. WAHOO!

The next post I have will be 200 posts! I am trying to think of something awesome for that post. We'll see.

How to be a Friend to someone with Infertility

I posted this post last June, but because it is National Infertility Awareness Week, I decided to do a repost, and maybe edit it a little bit. Here is an edited version of the post I posted in June 2009:

Since it has been over a year and a half (edit: It has been 2 1/2 years now) since we've been trying we've gotten a TON of comments about when we are going to have kids, what we need to do to have them, etc. I am going to cover this topic today because it is a VERY important topic. These are things that should never be said to anyone, let alone someone dealing with infertility! In most of these cases, the people knew we were dealing with infertility when we were told this. I feel if I cover this topic it will help people understand how much their well meaning comments actually do hurt. I will also suggest a few good things to say to someone dealing with infertility and miscarriage.

1. "When are you going to get pregnant?" or "When are you having kids?"

This question is a hard question to hear. In my honest opinion it is also an extremely rude question to ask. It is right up there with "when are you going to lose weight?". I know that those asking this question mean well, but it can be a VERY difficult question to take, especially when it is asked to someone who is going through infertility or suffering from a miscarriage (or both). Most of the time the asker does not know what the person is going through, which is why it is such a difficult question. How are we supposed to answer it? Sometimes I really do feel like asking a rude question back, but I'm not rude. I just force myself to smile and say something like "we are trying", or "when we want to" or if I want to be a little cunning I will say something like "9 months after I conceive". But inside my heart is ripping apart because I am wondering the same question myself.

2. "Just relax and it will happen."

Seriously, it is beyond relaxing at this point. My body does not work correctly. Relaxing will not help me get pregnant. It may help me to relax when I am going through the treatments because, let's face it, stress really is not a help at all, however at this point not relaxing is not why I haven't gotten pregnant. This response makes anyone dealing with infertility want to SCREAM. We have to suffer through countless uncomfortable tests and heartbreak and embarrassment along the way. Relaxing at this point is MINOR.

3. This one is a doozy. I was told by someone who meant well that I was not getting pregnant because I was not being faithful to God.

How heartbreaking to hear this. This person was a family member to, and someone I did not expect to hear it from. It broke my heart to hear this and it makes me cry to this day. I had just finished telling the person about our infertility. I now feel like I can no longer tell this person about anything else. I do not believe that God punishes anyone this way. If so, then are the teens getting pregnant more faithful than me? Or are the prostitutes or druggies more faithful than me? I believe that we go through things to prepare us for something in the future and that I am chosen for this journey to prepare myself for something in the future. Perhaps it is so I appreciate the children I have even more than I would have if this would have been easy for me. I do not know, but I know that God would not punish me by making me infertile.

4. Told to me after I suffered my miscarriage: "At least you know you can get pregnant".

This does not help someone suffering the loss of their child. My miscarriage was very early. I had already miscarried before I found out I was even pregnant. It does not put my mind at easy. I still think "what if my body can not stay pregnant?" and "why did that baby die?".

5. "You can always adopt."

This is said as if adoption is an easy alternative. Adoption is not easy. There is a long process you have to go through, not to mention a lot of money. Also, choosing to adopt means that you first need to go through a grieving process knowing that you may never have your own biological child. It also implies that the adoption is a replacement for biological children. I don't see it as a replacement. I see it as an addition to your family. Often times this comment is also followed by "I know someone who has adopted and they got pregnant as soon as they started the process". Adoption is not a miracle for infertility. Those people were blessed, but that does not mean that it will happen for everyone, and at that point the couple who are adopting have already chosen to start their family in a new way, so that pregnancy was a surprise.

6. "Now that I know about your infertility, you won't be able to surprise me with your pregnancy".

I refuse to allow this to be taken from me. I will be telling everyone in a special way when I am finally blessed with the miracle of pregnancy. I will not just be able to tell them because it is no longer a surprise. It will still be a surprise and it will be a happy moment and I will tell them in a fun way. I can not give this part up. It is important to me. I have dreamt about this from the time I was little and I can not wait to tell everyone in a special way.

What to say to someone who is going through infertility:

Just tell them you will be praying for them, or thinking of them. If you are closer with them, ask them how their procedures are going.

What to say to someone who went through a miscarriage:

Just say "I'm sorry" and/or "I will pray for you". There is nothing more you really can say to make someone feel better. You can let them know you are thinking of them by sending them a card or something.

Added: Please also do not make the person feel bad if they decide that they can't come to your baby shower, child's 4th birthday party, or even to your house because you have babies. They may be having a difficult day dealing with infertility and being around children or pregnant women is very hard. It isn't that we are angry with you for being pregnant. It is that people going through infertility often have difficult times with things like this because they don't know if it will ever happen for them. They are not trying to be mean or spite you. I had a friend tell me that I treat her differently now that she had her "oops" baby.

Infertility and miscarriage are difficult subjects for people to talk about, even more difficult for those who are walking the path, and it just adds to the difficulty to hear the above comments, and others that I did not mention.

Running Outside 101

Oh man. I did my first outdoor run today. Let me tell you... it was NOT easy! But I DID IT. I am guessing it was about 2 miles total up and down all of the roads of my neighborhood, but I could be wrong. I need to measure to find out, but that is what I am thinking it was. Well first of all, dog owners... pick up your dog poop! I stepped in dog poop today that was on the edge of the sidewalk! I run with my eyes up, so I don't always see what I'm stepping on, and I stepped on a big pile. I wasn't a happy camper. And a lesson, among many, learned: make sure you either bring a key with you or hide a key outside if you are running near your house. I, being the smart one that I am, decided that I would leave the back door unlocked so that I could get in because Jeff was sleeping. Well, out of habit, when I closed it I locked it, not even THINKING of what I was doing, and then went on my merry way, only to come home and find the door locked. Yipee! So I had to wait for Jeff to wake up and let me in, haha.

Running outside IS harder than on a treadmill, but I think that running on an incline when I do run on a treadmill really has helped me because it wasn't as hard as I was expecting it to be. I am glad I had the treadmill to start though, and I will continue to run on it. It really has helped me with a pace. I actually had a pace outside, which I never do! I supplemented my run today. It wasn't a C25K run, it was an adapted run for what I thought I could survive running in my neighborhood and it was tough, but I did it. :) And I loved running with something to look at other than a timeclock! It was wonderful!

So give outside running a try! You never know what you are capable of until you try!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Just a Video, but a great message

This is all I am posting today. Just a video... but a great message. Watch with tissues.

Tears and Hope

Sunday, April 25, 2010

National Infertility Awareness Week

Yesterday kicked of National Infertility Awareness week.

Did you know that more people suffer from this horrible disability than is known. Right now approximately 10% of the population deal with some sort of trouble conceiving.

Infertility is defined as not conceiving after a year or more of trying, and needing to seek medical help in order to conceive.

Infertility is considered taboo. Not many people talk about it, which is why I am talking about it. Infertility is not covered by many insurances. Treatments can run up to $15K-$20K a CYCLE, depending on the treatment. Many insurances cover abortion, but not infertility treatments. Infertility is a disability, and along with it comes the emotional pain. It is nothing to be ashamed of, yet many people are ashamed, and many are afraid to take the step to seek help!

Please take a moment to think about the many people out there suffering, often silently, with infertility. This week, many of my posts will have to do with infertility, including what not to say to someone who is infertile, and how to support them. I hope you tune in!

Smile :)

There is a smile on my face. I just completed week 4 day 1 of the Couch to 5K program, and I am hearing week 4 is the hardest, but I can do it!!! If I can get through week 4 and 5, I can do this whole thing! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

I was thinking to myself earlier that a little suffering now, which will lead into finding a hobby is a lot better than suffering from health problems and being overweight for the rest of my life. It is so worth it to me to do this! If not now, then when???

I also wanted to touch on music. To me, music is so important to my run. It really helps me get into a good rhythm, which I didn't have when I first started. I looked like a bumbling fool, I'm sure! One of my favorite groups to run to is Enter the Haggis. They are an awesome, very upbeat celtic rock band. They are so fantastic and they rarely have a slow song. The drummer always has a great rhythm to the song, and their music is easy to get lost on while you run. It is wonderful. But everyone is different. You have to find your music, the music that will help you. Some people don't run with music, but I need to. If I don't, I don't have anywhere for my mind to go except to my running and then I psych myself out. Music has always been what got me through tough times, so I wouldn't have it any other way than to have music go with me on this journey.

Who do you like to listen to?

Thursday, April 22, 2010


Goals are essential for a full life and I will prove it. :)

In every sport there is goals (in some sports the ways to earn points are even by scoring goals ie soccer, hockey, and kicking a football through a goal post!). In every activity you do you have a goal in mind. For working, your goal may be to earn money, to become the first woman CEO of your company, to move up in the ladder, to expand your business, etc. Whatever it is you aren't just working to work. You have a reason for working. When you are playing an instrument, you aren't just playing it to play it. You play it to get better, to enjoy your music, to possibly perform. You set a goal that you work towards, otherwise you have no reason to play it. When you go to school your goal is to earn the best grade, to complete the program, to get somewhere further than where you are.

Goals are important. It is important to set them for working out as well. I was talking today with Jeff about my workouts now compared to my workouts before I started running. I had goals before I started running, but those goals weren't as important. Well, not that they weren't important (after all losing weight is an important goal to have if you need to lose it!), its just that they weren't tangible. Yes, I could lose weight, but I didn't have a timeline. I didn't have a real reason to lose the weight. NOW my workouts are different. When I run I'm not just running to lose weight. I'm running because I know that if I don't I will suffer greatly during the 5K on June 26th that I am running. I know that I will let the team I am running with down if they prepare for it and I don't. And I know that I will be angry with myself, and you are hardest on yourself, so you better believe I would have a hard time forgiving myself.

But I don't run with just that goal in mind. I set other goals. I set small goals, which are important if I want to keep succeeding. I set a goal of completing that workout that day. And then my goal is to complete the week. This week I had a tough time with a run and I held on to the treadmill for a minute. For my next workout my goal was to do the whole workout without holding on. And I completed it. And it felt amazing. That runner's high that everyone talks about? It is because runners are constantly setting goals. When I was on the eliptical I didn't have goals like I did. Sure, I kept expanding my time and seeing how long my endurance could go, but it didn't matter to me like this does.

Setting goals is essential for life. Without them you won't push yourself further than you know you are capable. Set reachable goals. If you can't reach them, what is the point in setting them? You won't feel that excitement of completing one goal and being able to set a new, higher goal for yourself!

So what are your goals?

A link to an awesome giveaway

There is a blog I follow that I love. It is a girl who went through a horrible tragedy and found a miracle in it. She now has a beautiful son, who her and her husband adopted. I love reading her blog because of her positive attitude after losing her first son before birth and going through a kidney transplant, two things that could send someone spiraling into depression. I am sure she has difficult days, but she is such a positive girl and I encourage you to check her blog out!

She is also doing a giveaway right now for a beautiful pin. I have to admit that I have selfish reasons for posting this... because it is part of the requirements to be entered in the blog, but the pin is so adorable, AND if I blog about it I could get you to read her blog and look towards a positive attitude, something I've been blogging about lately! So go check out her blog, and even the giveaway while you are at it!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Week 2 down!

I completed Week 2 of the Couch to 5K Running Plan today and it feels great! Running is little by little getting easier for me. I am very excited to be heading into Week 3! Because I have a grad class on Mondays and Wednesdays, those are my off days, so the 1st day of Week 3 will be on Tuesday after work.

AND I am so excited to say that my first 5K will be on June 26th! A friend of mine runs in this one every year and has invited me to run with her. We want to get a team of 5 people to run together. I have two that would like to do it with me, so we need one more. It will be so exciting to have so much moral support as I am running in my first (hopefully of many!) race! I want to find one in July to run as well to keep it up, because I am going to also run one in September with my dad and my uncle. I have wanted my dad to get healthy with me so it will be exciting to run one with him! He is an avid golfer, along with me, and used to run quite a bit every day but as he got older, and as his ankles got weaker from multiple sprains, he has stopped running. I sent him the program I am doing as well and can't wait to hear his progress. Jeff and I are going on vacation with my parents this summer and I look forward to hopefully running with him then.

Off to the store right now! Have a wonderful, and hopefully active day!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


Motivation is difficult. Sometimes you have it and it is overflowing from your barrel, and sometimes you are scraping the bottom of the barrel to find the very last drop. It is hard to stay motivated for something that seems so distant. In those times, the times you are scraping the bottom of the barrel and wondering if you can even take one more step in your run or lift one more weight, those are the times you draw your motivation from those around you. That is why people have workout partners. That is why there are motivational speakers. That is why the news stations do feel good stories about someone who has achieve something. And so today I bring you a feel good story. Actually, they are feel good storIES, as in more than one. These are submissions from the people running the Boston Marathon and why THEY run. Check it out!

Why do YOU run? (or workout, or whatever you do to get/stay in shape)

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Negativity Breeds Negativity

I saw a bumper sticker on a car when I was leaving the gym yesterday that said B+. I thought to myself: "That is weird. Why would they have their blood type on a bumper sticker?" and then I put two and two together... B+ = BE POSITIVE! Oh how right they are too!

There is the age old saying "do you see the cup half empty or half full?". This week I was teaching my first graders about halves and wholes and one of the examples was a cup that was half full with a question: "is a cup that is half full equal to a cup that is half empty" and almost all of them said that the cup that was half full was MORE than the cup that was half empty. They were wrong in real life of course, but figuratively speaking I think they were right. I mean, think about it. If you see your cup as half full, your life is fuller. You are a more positive person. You see things for what you hope they become. If you see the cup as half empty, you aren't reaching for what you want your life to become. You are sitting there in your "woe is me" world, hoping that someone gives you a break on something. Well, here's the thing: You have to make your OWN breaks in life, not sit around waiting for someone to hand you something because they feel sorry for you! (Of course this isn't saying that every single person in the world who see's the cup half empty is a negative person, or sees the cup half full is a positive person.)

You make your own life. I know someone who is a chronic downer. Every single facebook post I see of hers is negative. Every time I am around her she whines and complains about how hard her life is. I don't know how she LIVES with herself! But the thing is, she isn't living. She is sitting around waiting for someone to hand her something. For someone to MOTIVATE her! But you know what? No one will. No one will motivate her enough for her life to change. No one will say "I feel sorry for you, here is $1000 to cheer you up because you complained about money to me." Sorry. Life doesn't work that way. YOU have to go out and make YOUR life positive. No one can ever motivate you enough to change your life.

I realized that on my own. I was sitting around waiting to get motivated. I would go to the gym, but not regularly enough. I would see things that need to be done and think "I'll get to them, but not now. I'm not motivated.". Well, that isn't cutting it ANYMORE. Guess what: motivation and a positive attitude doesn't just knock on the door. doesn't knock on the door. I am now pushing my butt because I HAVE TO! NO ONE is going to do it for me. I have to much working against me with my family genetics to let myself fail because I didn't push myself hard enough when I was young enough to work it into my routine. Yes, others can motivate me. Yes, I may be able to motivate YOU, but in the end it is the individual person who needs to motivate themselves to get moving on changing their life. No, it won't always be easy, but I have to do it. I have to do it for myself. I have to do it for my husband. I have to do it for my future children.

So how do you see your cup? Half empty or half full? I know how I see mine... B +

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Week 1 Day 1 of Couch-to-5K down!

I decided to start a program to help me achieve my goal of running a 5K. I am not a runner right now, but I wouldn't mind being one! I've heard great reviews of the Couch-to-5K program and decided to start it! I did my first workout yesterday and it was GREAT (although I realized I tweaked it a little... OOPS! It is hard to remember some details after teaching 21 1st graders all day long!). Today won't be tweaked though, haha.

I also went to the gym after work yesterday for the very first time and it felt great (although a little crowded... hm, may have to do an outdoor run on Fridays). I am so proud for doing that! I know that I need to take my clothes to work and change there or else I won't go. I tried to go Thursday but I got home to change and Jeff was awake and the dogs were wagging their tails and it killed me that I would have had to leave, so I just stayed home. BUT I went on Friday and I am proud of myself. Unfortunately, because I have grad classes Monday and Wednesday for another month, I won't be able to go on those days

Anyway... I encourage you to check out the Couch-to-5k program! Follow me as I do it! Do it with me! Whatever you choose, but I hope it gets you thinking about fitness. OH and this is cool (although I don't have an Ipod :( )... if you have an Ipod you can download a podcast and it will work you through the workout. It will tell you when to run and when to walk and it is set to music, so you will have music to listen to. I think that is pretty awesome!

Ok I am off to the gym and I hope you are off to check out that website! By the way... if you are doing it, drop me a comment and let me know! I would love to know who is going to do this with me!

Monday, April 5, 2010

The "I Want to Live" Campaign!

I was working out in the gym today and thinking about all of the different things I would blog about now that I have added health to my blog and then the song "I Want to Live" by Josh Gracin came on my MP3 player. If you don't know it, here is the video (and I'll post the lyrics at the bottom of the post):

It is so perfect for my situation right now. I am so tired of just sitting around, waiting for things to happen and waiting for life to pass me by. I want to get off my ass and actually make life HAPPEN. As Josh Gracin sings, "I want to take every breath I can get"! So this is now called my "I Want to Live" Campaign! Because I WANT TO LIVE! I want to enjoy life. I want to make the most out of what I can. I don't want to cut it short by living unhealthily and just sitting around watching TV. I can't promise I will always be positive and I CAN promise that it won't always be easy or that I won't always be this motivated. But then I will read these first few posts and I will make a list of WHY I want to live and hopefully that will keep driving me!

And I'm not letting this stop at fitness and eating healthier. I want to devote myself more to my husband and family. I want to walk in fund-raising walks to earn money for good causes and get healthy at the same time! I want to throw myself into my students and make sure that they have an energetic, enthusiastic teacher. I want to be a better friend. And I don't want to be a "Negative Nellie". I really want to keep this up and I really need you to hold me accountable! That doesn't meant hat I can't have a post once in a while that is down about what I am going through, because life is hard. But every single post won't be hard anymore.

I want to LIVE!

And to think I almost changed the MP3 player when the song came on.

Here are the lyrics:

Sometimes I feel like I need to shake myself, to wake myself:
I feel like I'm just sleep walkin' through my life.
It's like I'm swimmin' in an ocean of emotion,
But still, somehow, slowly goin' numb inside.
I don't like who I'm becomin', I know I've gotta do somethin',
Before my life passes right by.

I want to cry like the rain, cry like the rain,
Shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'.
Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin',
Fight with the devil an' go down swingin'.
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone,
Love like I ain't afraid to be alone.
Take everything that this world has to give,
I wanna live.

Sometimes I wonder why I work so hard to guard my heart.
Well, I hardly feel anything at all.
I've spent my whole life buildin' up this ivory tower.
And now that I'm in it, I keep wishin' it would fall.
So I can feel the ground beneath me, really taste this air I'm breathin',
And know that I'm alive.

I want to cry like the rain, cry like the rain,
Shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'.
Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin',
Fight with the devil an' go down swingin'.
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone,
Love like I ain't afraid to be alone.
Take everything that this world has to give,
I wanna live,
I wanna live.

Somethin' deep inside keeps sayin life is like a vapor,
It's gone in just the twinklin' of an eye.

I want to cry like the rain, cry like the rain,
Shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'.
Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin',
Fight with the devil an' go down swingin'.
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone,
Love like I ain't afraid to be alone.
Take everything that this world has to give.
I wanna take every breath I can get,
I wanna live.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

The gym

I went to the gym today. My second day (in almost a row... it wasn't open when I was able to go yesterday) after becoming determined. I felt so great walking out, knowing that even though I didn't want to go I still went.

I did everything I wanted to do, which means I didn't lose as much as I thought I lost from a few months ago. I was able to do all of my ab routine, I was able to do all of my treadmill time at the right speed, which means there will be nowhere to go but UP from there! And I even added an arm weight. I didn't go on it last time because every time I went to use it someone was sitting on the machine... just relaxing, not lifting, talking to the person on the machine next to them... ie preventing ME from lifting with that machine! But I did it!

Now, today being Easter, I can't say I ate the healthiest. Sigh. I am going to hide the Easter candy. I won't get ride of it. But I will put it somewhere where I actually have to work to get it, which means I need to be determined, which means that if I do get it I will actually NEED that piece of candy because I was determined enough to climb somewhere for it. (I just hope that my husband doesn't mind, because I bought it for him too!) And I will have apples readily available. :)

My Goals

Well, I'm starting to feel very frustrated with myself. I've always struggled with self esteem issues. In high school I went through a lot, as I am sure every high school girl has dealt with a bit. I don't want to get into everything I went through because it was in the past and it won't help me move forward to rehash it. I've changed a lot since high school and my confidence has grown, but not to where I'd like it to be and I have been analyzing WHY it isn't where I want it to be and a lot boils down to my appearance. Now, I don't consider myself ugly, but I don't see myself as beautiful. I am coming off of a "fat WEEK" (not just fat day), and my self esteem really took a hit this week. I also think that the weight I put on since high school may have an effect on our fertility problems, although they probably aren't the entire source, but it isn't helping!

So here it goes. I am adding to my blog. I plan on blogging about my progress. I plan on blogging about going to the gym and my workout routines, etc. I plan on blogging about the extras I do on top of going to the gym (ie walking the dogs, working in the garden, hiking, golfing, playing sports, etc). I will also blog about some of the healthier things that I eat. I can't promise that I will change 100% of how I eat because my husband is going to be hard to change. He holds strong to being a meat and potatoes kind of guy, so we will see how I can do with the eating thing. If anything, I will narrow down portions, and make most of my snacking good snacking (though I'm a chocoholic, but I will be limiting myself to one small piece a day) and try to make my lunches very healthy. I will also be blogging about my downfalls. What did I do that day that took me two steps back from where I was? I think it will help to hold me accountable.

I also have goal to run a 5k in the fall. I shared about this goal in the past and it is still real. I had a few downfalls with the gym. I was very faithful and then student teaching threw me for a loop and my schedule was 100% out of whack! Then I got back into it and sprained my ankle. Now I am back. I will be working up to running... I am walking for 20 minutes on the treadmill very fast a day, plus doing some lifting. I hope soon I will extend it to 30 minutes on the treadmill. And then start to run. And hopefully work it up to a 5k length so that I know I can at least endure running that long. Oh, did I mention I *HATE* to run????? But I have to do it! I know I do!

I am doing this for my husband, so he can have a healthy wife. I am doing it for my family to have a healthy family member. I am doing it for my angel in heaven and my future children, so they can have a healthy mother. But most of all I am doing it for ME!

Please support me!