The "I Want to Live" Campaign!

I was working out in the gym today and thinking about all of the different things I would blog about now that I have added health to my blog and then the song "I Want to Live" by Josh Gracin came on my MP3 player. If you don't know it, here is the video (and I'll post the lyrics at the bottom of the post):




It is so perfect for my situation right now. I am so tired of just sitting around, waiting for things to happen and waiting for life to pass me by. I want to get off my ass and actually make life HAPPEN. As Josh Gracin sings, "I want to take every breath I can get"! So this is now called my "I Want to Live" Campaign! Because I WANT TO LIVE! I want to enjoy life. I want to make the most out of what I can. I don't want to cut it short by living unhealthily and just sitting around watching TV. I can't promise I will always be positive and I CAN promise that it won't always be easy or that I won't always be this motivated. But then I will read these first few posts and I will make a list of WHY I want to live and hopefully that will keep driving me!

And I'm not letting this stop at fitness and eating healthier. I want to devote myself more to my husband and family. I want to walk in fund-raising walks to earn money for good causes and get healthy at the same time! I want to throw myself into my students and make sure that they have an energetic, enthusiastic teacher. I want to be a better friend. And I don't want to be a "Negative Nellie". I really want to keep this up and I really need you to hold me accountable! That doesn't meant hat I can't have a post once in a while that is down about what I am going through, because life is hard. But every single post won't be hard anymore.

I want to LIVE!

And to think I almost changed the MP3 player when the song came on.


Here are the lyrics:

Sometimes I feel like I need to shake myself, to wake myself:
I feel like I'm just sleep walkin' through my life.
It's like I'm swimmin' in an ocean of emotion,
But still, somehow, slowly goin' numb inside.
I don't like who I'm becomin', I know I've gotta do somethin',
Before my life passes right by.

I want to cry like the rain, cry like the rain,
Shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'.
Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin',
Fight with the devil an' go down swingin'.
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone,
Love like I ain't afraid to be alone.
Take everything that this world has to give,
I wanna live.

Sometimes I wonder why I work so hard to guard my heart.
Well, I hardly feel anything at all.
I've spent my whole life buildin' up this ivory tower.
And now that I'm in it, I keep wishin' it would fall.
So I can feel the ground beneath me, really taste this air I'm breathin',
And know that I'm alive.

I want to cry like the rain, cry like the rain,
Shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'.
Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin',
Fight with the devil an' go down swingin'.
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone,
Love like I ain't afraid to be alone.
Take everything that this world has to give,
I wanna live,
I wanna live.

Somethin' deep inside keeps sayin life is like a vapor,
It's gone in just the twinklin' of an eye.

I want to cry like the rain, cry like the rain,
Shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'.
Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin',
Fight with the devil an' go down swingin'.
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone,
Love like I ain't afraid to be alone.
Take everything that this world has to give.
I wanna take every breath I can get,
I wanna live.

The gym

I went to the gym today. My second day (in almost a row... it wasn't open when I was able to go yesterday) after becoming determined. I felt so great walking out, knowing that even though I didn't want to go I still went.

I did everything I wanted to do, which means I didn't lose as much as I thought I lost from a few months ago. I was able to do all of my ab routine, I was able to do all of my treadmill time at the right speed, which means there will be nowhere to go but UP from there! And I even added an arm weight. I didn't go on it last time because every time I went to use it someone was sitting on the machine... just relaxing, not lifting, talking to the person on the machine next to them... ie preventing ME from lifting with that machine! But I did it!

Now, today being Easter, I can't say I ate the healthiest. Sigh. I am going to hide the Easter candy. I won't get ride of it. But I will put it somewhere where I actually have to work to get it, which means I need to be determined, which means that if I do get it I will actually NEED that piece of candy because I was determined enough to climb somewhere for it. (I just hope that my husband doesn't mind, because I bought it for him too!) And I will have apples readily available. :)

My Goals

Well, I'm starting to feel very frustrated with myself. I've always struggled with self esteem issues. In high school I went through a lot, as I am sure every high school girl has dealt with a bit. I don't want to get into everything I went through because it was in the past and it won't help me move forward to rehash it. I've changed a lot since high school and my confidence has grown, but not to where I'd like it to be and I have been analyzing WHY it isn't where I want it to be and a lot boils down to my appearance. Now, I don't consider myself ugly, but I don't see myself as beautiful. I am coming off of a "fat WEEK" (not just fat day), and my self esteem really took a hit this week. I also think that the weight I put on since high school may have an effect on our fertility problems, although they probably aren't the entire source, but it isn't helping!

So here it goes. I am adding to my blog. I plan on blogging about my progress. I plan on blogging about going to the gym and my workout routines, etc. I plan on blogging about the extras I do on top of going to the gym (ie walking the dogs, working in the garden, hiking, golfing, playing sports, etc). I will also blog about some of the healthier things that I eat. I can't promise that I will change 100% of how I eat because my husband is going to be hard to change. He holds strong to being a meat and potatoes kind of guy, so we will see how I can do with the eating thing. If anything, I will narrow down portions, and make most of my snacking good snacking (though I'm a chocoholic, but I will be limiting myself to one small piece a day) and try to make my lunches very healthy. I will also be blogging about my downfalls. What did I do that day that took me two steps back from where I was? I think it will help to hold me accountable.

I also have goal to run a 5k in the fall. I shared about this goal in the past and it is still real. I had a few downfalls with the gym. I was very faithful and then student teaching threw me for a loop and my schedule was 100% out of whack! Then I got back into it and sprained my ankle. Now I am back. I will be working up to running... I am walking for 20 minutes on the treadmill very fast a day, plus doing some lifting. I hope soon I will extend it to 30 minutes on the treadmill. And then start to run. And hopefully work it up to a 5k length so that I know I can at least endure running that long. Oh, did I mention I *HATE* to run????? But I have to do it! I know I do!

I am doing this for my husband, so he can have a healthy wife. I am doing it for my family to have a healthy family member. I am doing it for my angel in heaven and my future children, so they can have a healthy mother. But most of all I am doing it for ME!

Please support me!

Rough

Today is a rough infertility day for me. I could use prayers. I had a dream a few days ago that I was pregnant and starting to show. It was so real. And when I woke up it was ripped away from me. Then I found that AF had arrived, which then made me feel like I was kicked in the gut. I hate this.

I'm still alive!

Wow it has been a while. I really need to work on keeping this blog up! It has just been a crazy few weeks. I started my job and that has taken up A LOT of my life, but I LOVE IT! I love teaching. It is so much better than student teaching (and the paycheck doesn't hurt either)! My first graders are great and the other teachers are wonderful to work with. I want so bad to work in this school next year! I am praying so hard that something opens up. There are a few teachers close to retirement age and talking retirement, but they aren't talking about it for this year, so I don't have my hopes up.

After being buried in snow (which I loved! We got 5' total in a week!) I can say now that I'm ready for spring. I loved the snow, however when I walked outside into really nice weather this week I got the itch and now I am right there! My snowmen are coming down today and my flower flag is going out. I'm ready! Bring on spring!

Goodness Gracious

I sprained my ankle. :( I was wearing heels and stepped onto uneven grass and, while bearing all of my weight, my ankle turned both in and out. It is not fun. The pain isn't too bad anymore, but I have almost no muscle control, so it is a lot of fun. Ugh... and I'm supposed to start teaching next week!

On another note... check out this mirror giveaway! Her blog looks pretty cool too so check it out!

Well... here we go!

Last week was QUITE eventful! I have been applying for jobs left and right. Most of them long term sub positions because there really isn't much else available out there. There was a call for resumes for next year, and then there was a permanent job, but I didn't hear from that one (and it was at the top of my list to do anyway).

One of the jobs I applied for was in my mom's school district (and just happened to be the first job I put my resume in for). It is a 1st grade long term sub position, start in February and ending in May, or later depending on how the teacher feels about coming back. WELL... I got a call on Monday from a principal in the school district my mom teaches in asking if I had my certification in hand, and since I didn't, he couldn't interview me, but he said if I did get it that week, to call him and he'll set up an interview.

Tuesday I was subbing, but I decided to call the dept of education and find out the status of my certification. Well as of Tuesday it hadn't even been processed yet. I spoke with someone who said they would let my evaluator know, but that she couldn't promise anything. I called the school back and left a message. When I left subbing that day I had a message on my cell phone saying that because they had other candidates that had the certification on hand, they couldn't interview me, but that they had a 2nd grade long term sub position coming open soon and I could apply for that one. I was bummed...... until I got home and there was a message on my answering machine from my evaluator saying that she went ahead and processed my certification and I was approved and therefore certified to teach in the state of PA! So I emailed the principal that evening and let him know about the message, but that I understood if he couldn't interview me for this job because I couldn't guarantee I'd have my cert in hand by the end of the week. Well I got an email back congratulating me and asking me to call the secretary to set up an interview for that week!!!

I had friends, and my husband quizzing me with interview questions all week and helping me pick out what I would wear. Meanwhile, I scrambled to get my portfolio together for the interview. I was also VERY nervous, but didn't really have my hopes up.

I went to the interview, felt I babbled a lot but that they liked my answers and then went home. I got home, changed, went potty, let the dogs out, and heated up my lunch and my phone rang. I GOT THE JOB! 30 minutes after my interview and they offered me the job! I am so excited! I just hope something permanent opens up because I'd really like to feel comfortable about having a job for next year and it would be great if it were with this district!

Wish me luck! I am nervous about teaching and taking two grad classes at once! Yikes!