Dreams and I live on a love/hate relationship. I love dreaming, but sometimes I hate waking up into reality. Last night I had a dream I was 9 months pregnant, and I woke up hating my body. The other day I dreamt I had a readheaded baby girl, which is something I've always wondered about and hope for because my husband is a redhead. I woke up and missed my baby. I loved these dreams, but hated waking up from them into what was really going on, which is not much of anything, sadly.
I am starting to feel some pressure because we only have two cycles left after this cycle ends before we have to put all of our treatments on hold until the spring. I finish my post-bacc certification in December and start teaching in December/January, but I'm not guaranteed a permanent job, which means I will be long-term subbing. If I don't get a permanent job, we can't try until April or May so that I won't be due in the beginning of the school year teaching with a new school. If I do get a permanent job I we may start right away because I will already be with the school for a while by the time I am due. I won't get hired for a job, though, if they know I'm pregnant and due in September or October, or even November, so if I only sub long term in January, then we aren't going to start trying again until my due date would fall late in the school year, like April-June. This will also allow us to save up for the next step of the process in treatments, which will probably be IUI. Sorry if this paragraph is confusing... I have a lot going through my mind. But after this break we are trying until it happens.
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Being a teacher who is desperately trying to find a job, I totally understand the "politics" that come along with getting pregnant and being a teacher in a new school. I have taught at a preschool the last 3 years and have lost three babies in that time frame. My director and the staff were amazing and I only assume that the case would be the same in a regular school system.
My husband and I talked numerous times, praying and crying as to when to try, when to be due, when to have...and it just got to be too much. We prayed about it and found ourselves at peace at just letting it go. We figure that if we get pregnant and I manage to find a job (we live in in South Central Lower Peninsula of Michigan), we'll be honest at the interview and go with it.
Try to stay positive (I KNOW- so much easier said than done) with this - it will work out. My thought is that I want to be as upfront and honest with a prospective employer, just as I hope they would be with me. I pray that just because I may be pregnant, that that would have little bearing on me as a teacher.
Did I totally confuse you or frustrate you? I'm sorry if I did. The last few weeks have been difficult and I'm lucky to make a coherent sentence :)
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